Revisiting Role and Relevance

Warning: This Post is a long Soliloquy. It is not cool at all. It’s Long and written with least concern for the reader. So kindly adjust or skim or just skip!

I love Media. ‘Media! Media! Media!’ My eyes light up. This affair took its roots with “The Hindu” newspaper. Keenly following what Nirmal Shekhar and S Dinakar wrote (Nirmal wrote sports like it was some art, a poet that he was) and gleefully reading up V Gangadhar’s ‘Slice of Life’ Columns. He wrote in the Sunday Magazine, about South Indian food, his yesteryears and his life in general. Also, RK Narayan used to write columns for “The Hindu” which he published in his book “The Writerly Life”. My dream always has been to write funny columns like V Gangadhar or RK Narayan. Give me my space and I’ll play there. Strangely that philosophy holds water with life too.

When my friends had passions like Maths, Automobiles, Engineering, Medicine etc, my only passion was to detest all these subjects publicly. And as God’s smiled, my father/brother were kind enough to come to a conclusion that Engineering was not my cup of filter kaapi. And then Anna Univ offered this course called Electronic Media which is where I eventually joined.

Now after joining a 5 year Media course, life became joy. We had to do print, radio, TV, 3D design, advertising, news bulletins, research and all such sexy resume pointers in those dreamy 5 years. The operational word here is “Resume Pointers”. That’s precisely what my course ever helped me with.

NO, please don’t visualise anything like Aamir Khan type professor telling us how Media works. All we got in our course were famished men and women profs with a vision so short they couldn’t see past first bench. Not all of them were so bad. Few were good. They could, for instance, catch me passing chits in the last bench.

Their disinterest and pitiable teaching skills, ensured all of us got time to dream. I dreamt to be a movie director. I told myself, “I will make movies and then when am old, will write columns in ‘The Hindu’ on how movie-making works.” I told my friends about the kind of movies I’ll make. Although, there is a lot of room for Amol Palekar kind of movie making in India, a benign humor filled with irony types. I guess the first story I told my friends was a superhero subject. They laughed it off. We made short films and I tried to exercise my directorial dreams there. My father was excited that I’d be a Movie director one day.Sorry folks; I don’t have parents like those in 3 idiots. I had set expectations low smartly right from day 1.

Realising that to be a movie director meant at least 5 years without proper pay and doing an assistant director’s job included managing crowds, my director dreams saw pause’ibilites rather than possibilities. This lazy pampered author can’t do crowd managing job. Sorry.

I told my friends and folks that, I won’t be a movie director anytime now. That I have postponed the same till I reach 35. I told myself “I’ll get into advertising, become a Copywriter/Ad maker and eventually, become a movie director one day like Rajeev Menon. And after I make some great movies, I’ll become a columnist for the “The Hindu” Newspaper”

And so in third year of my college in an aim to crack the advertising world, I went around Chennai asking for copy writing internships. I found one finally.RK Swamy BBDO. I told the lady there I wanted to do writing. But she put me into Client servicing. I became the intern like that poor intern in Dilbert strip. I was given long briefs (Chi!) and was asked to make power point presentations out of them. I soon started liking power point presentations and inserted pictures and funny quotes and animations wherever I could. I was once made to buy an Apron for some shoot for a masala brand. That was the closest I ever got to the creative guys in those 6 months.

Now, the worst thing about getting exposed to a corporate world is the ‘Good Life’. Managers drove nice cars. Went to fashionable restaurants. Always Shaven (The guys I mean). Had separate Cubicles. (apart from toilet)Now as I made power point slides and saw young managers live it up and with myself reporting to a GM there; getting into the decision making manager job dint seem to be a bad idea at all. So what if I cant make ads, it’s all about making contacts I learnt.Will eventually get there, told myself.

Then a lousy attempt at CAT and rejecting a coding job at infosys later, I tried Mumbai Media. Mumbai = Chics ...err...Media. And so I landed at a cushy job in a firm that understands TV audience and works with TV Channels. Numbers. NUMBers. For one, I learnt Ms Excel. Mastered it rather, I can make magic out of Excel. Make birds and rabbits come out if it. Yesterday, for instance, I made a pie chart which looked like that power ranger hero’s mask. I can make a merciless 200 slide a presentation and throw jargon at will.

Sometimes, stressed out with the workload, I sit with my laptop and let my mind drift on possibilities. Life is full of possibilities, my young mind yearns for that special wake up sid moment which would help me decide on a less shallow approach to career. In lot many ways, it’s like zeroing upon the ideal girl before we test our charm with one too many. Maybe, that's why Jerry Mcguire is a favorite movie. It talks about two things. Sincerity to Love and Passion for Work.

Now 2 promotions happened. The firm is nice to me. I am stuck here in a corporate set up, good thing is I meet the Content guys and Marketing guys in TV Channels, and I realise they aren’t happy too. Heee Heee.. Tight Deadlines, Editorial Policy, Pressure for Marketable Content have ensured creative guys are mere puppets in the bigger picture. Maybe Job Satisfaction is an oxymoron, but I guess you should work in a job which you are passionate about. Which you truly care about and can write columns on.

For me it will be any job which will eventually make me close to a movie director (cos am passionate about Cinema) and a Columnist for “The Hindu” Newspaper (cos I cant take it out of my head!). Its good to put it down in my blog for I’ll revisit this on a future date… and wonder.

A Columnist is not as passionate as a Journalist. In fact, he is detached and often amused by the world around. And my journey for all its shallowness amuses me, and as Calvin finally said ‘Let’s Go Exploring’

.... And God Spoke

“It’s a big problem ruling the world you know” God lamented with a heavy sigh.
“Here, Chandra!”, he yelled at the bartender who came running towards him with a wry smile. After all, Chandra was tipped well by this customer whose bar had a wooden board near the cash counter which read ‘Customer is God’.

“Pour me another round of one small whiskey, and yeah soda” God ordered. His fellow drinkers, Gods themselves, but of their respective worlds listened in rapt attention. The evening was young and fine and the juke box played Frank Sinatra, who was carelessly humming “Fly me to the moon.. lemme play among the stars”

And then God continued, “People do stuff they aren’t supposed to do, they are screwing up my entire design. I mean evolution has been pretty much according to the script so far, all going as per the structured analysis plan. Now things have gone real bad”

A fellow drinker who was sipping on a Bloody Mary interrupted, “Dude! You are taking a lot of stress, and just being hard on yourself, People can take care of themselves; you have been a very able administrator. People in your world idolise you for the neighborhood heaven’s sake! You have ensured education, abstract thought, poetry, literature, science and even computer awareness are inculcated and are in place, and people in your planet are all for peace, they don’t just kill each other like before, do they?

“No man”, God reflected and he placed the whiskey glass in the table, “it’s the softer issues that’s Fuc .. er. screwing up my planet now” he exclaimed animatedly

“Softer issues? That sounds so… never mind. what happened dude?”

Hmmm..my people are becoming psychos! They are fuc,.. er.. screwing up their lives. Take for instance, the life of lil Somu, he was born cute with a dimpled cheek in a small town whose name i dont remember, in a middle class vegetarian Indian family. He played with marbles all his childhood, saw cartoons and was shy to talk to girls. the way I designed him , there was no chance this kid have written a blog like that when he grew up to be 16”

“Blog like what?”

And then God opened his laptop and clicked open Somu’s blog. The Blog title was, “the random objective ideas of the opinioned mind” Somu had written about how he believed every individual was open to his set of rationale opinions, how one had to live for oneself amidst the ungrateful world full of stereotypes, to how he thought the more sex and in its all manifestations and positions was a way to understand ourselves and seek the higher self, and stuff like that”

All drunk Gods looked puzzled at this piece of screed, “what does all this mean, you mean somebody 16 really thought of all this. this is... Blasphemy?!?”

The chief God clarified “Its not Lil Somu’s fault, its Ayn Rands, she is full of shit. People who read her talk like shit. Look at the blog world, people write such complicated posts about relationships, introspection and work n all. About certain objectivism and why they broke up seeking the independence from the dissatisfaction arising from their inability to co-exist and their right to argue. Total shit man. Hate reading that. Yawn”

“Phew, Sad and complicated” All fellow drunk Gods agreed in unison



And God spake
“Let Ayn Rand alone, another chap full of shit is Osho, that chap writes so much influential shit makes people’s lives more complicated. Any idiot who talks of an utopia must be kicked in the arse. Why don’t these people realise that the structure I made is on inter-dependence and not independence, huh, I am drunk, let me not get emotional..,” God got emotional

“I’d rather people make statements than arguments. These Ayn Rands maketh the 18 year old kid think like a 50 year old, and maketh a 50 year old fool around like a kid.. my design! my design!,, all gone for a toss. Look at Sachin/Sehwag/, you think they read Ayn Rand? Their mind is so uncluttered. They kick ass baby” and God broke down..




“I mean our eco-system, food chain, all work around one concept – Co-Existence. Ayn Rand and Osho are two big manufacturing mistakes of mine. Wish I made more Sehwags.”

“Dude, you are being unfair. People from your planet have the right to choose what they want to choose, No?”

“Yeah I know just my opinion, sigh, anyways, Chandra, Bill Please” God paid the bill and tipped Chandra an handsome amount and Chandra seemed happy. and God began to move. He jokingly remarked “I am ok with agnostics and scientologists, even atheists, but Ayn Rand and Osho cult give me a bad digestion”

The Electric 'Bahu'

Life was lifeless. It was all black and white with dead trees and desolate buildings. There was a sense of desperation in the Meghdoot building near Shivaji park area. All the hard earned money was being wasted into the elusive something that digested in 2 hours and got flushed the next morning. The wallet was getting lighter as the tummy got plumpier taking in another bout of unhealthy yet expensive restaurant food.

Bruised with the 80 buck Veg Biryani and battered by the 70 buck Dal Kichdi, the meek and the weak finally revolted. Enough was Enough! A decision had to be made! We couldn’t get wives, or cooks, for the egg headed land lady said “You cannot keep gas/burner in my meghdoot building and yeah no girls allowed.” So we finally went to Chroma, High Street Phoenix, Lower Parel, and asked the smothering servicing chap “Can you show us the electric cooker?”

We looked at the Cookers at Chroma and decided we would check out Big Bazaar before we made the big decision, Chroma is a big ticket place and they keep pen drives and ear phones in the cash counter like how your ‘khiranna’ shops kept Alpenlibele and how cigarette shops kept halls/peppermint. In short, they are high end, expensive and ‘its always wise to go to big bazaar and check out prices there once’ we reflected.

So the busy Big Bazaar lady showed us the cooker brands,

She : “Panasonic Rs 3500 it can boil vegetables too”

We: “No, Something Cheaper Next”

She: “Morphy Richards 3000, it comes with warantee”

We: “No. What kind of name is Morphy Richards? Next Please”

She: “ Bajaj, Philps all 2500 Range, am sure this is the kind you are looking for ”

We: “Anything Cheaper?, How about this one???” we pointed at a cute looking puppy cooker, which definitely looked at us with an affection and that vulnerable look which sang, “take me home with thee, O master”

We: How much is she?

She: “Its Koryo. Its 899 bucks”

899 bucks, our eyes popped out with a delightful glint, “And why? Is it bad?”

“No Sir, its a Chinese brand” he said

Now, not all Chinese brands are not trustworthy, Chinese are masters of Rice making. People from there have made rice for centuries and have created Bruce Lees and Jackie Chans. Koryo sounds like Chinese for awesomeness and attractiveness (kung fu panda style). Look at Morphy Richards, sounds so british, what are the Englishmen good for? Nothing? Interestingly, Have you heard of Britanian cuisine like Italian or Mexican or Indian. I, for once had an English Breakfast in Leela palace Bangalore and all they gave me was some bread and tea and muffins. And they charged a fortune for it. Phoney. Like Morphy Richards. Like British. Go Koryo Go!

So anyways, we packed this little bahu and brought her home.

She cooked Rice. Tirelessly. And yet with a smile. You could sense it. All I had to do is mix the rice with all sorts of readmade mixes and powder my mom had armed me with. I am saving money. Load of ‘em. Mr. Buffet, Here I come with my white rice for your last buffet supper.

Korya made Steamed Corn. She made boiled peanuts (it’s a south Indian delicacy where you add salt and whole groundut with the shell and result tastes like magic). She made Hot Rasam (MTR Rasam Mix). Just a matter of ratio proportion. Korya did it all.

She made Pop Corn too, now our chakna (side dish for alcohol) problem is over too. Koryo, indeed is that Bahu who can solve any problem and run the daily soap for 3 years with high trps… sob sob

So here is my small tribute to Koryo. You thing of beauty, you are my joy forever! Muah!

MAK

Rock Solid Opinionated Perceptions ...

Am not opinionated by nature, you know. I am not the sort who could debate on one side of a topic for long. The mind looks at either or all the possible options before ‘not arriving’ at any sort of conclusion. My brother gets a certain joy in poking at this aspect of my personality and says before I could decide what to have for breakfast, its dinner time. I know he is exaggerating, I prefer pongal+vadai/ poha /bread+jam for breakfast, full south Indian meals for lunch (extra pappad please!), peanuts/jalebi for evening snack and anything Veg for dinner. I am even precise about what ‘chakna’ I need for my drink, But, what my brother is trying to imply is that, I don’t apply judgment and merely stagnate with all the choices in more important issues (what’s more important!).

Over to the essence of this post, there are certain strong view-points I have formed over the years, that am going to share, not that am going to take it as a cause and tell the world to see it my way. You may not think the same, and, your opinions of course are going to have little impact on mine!

Here we go

Homosexuality is bloody scary

Gays-> pink shirts, striped pants, shaved arms/legs, manicured, pedicured, romancing another pink shirt, striped pant, ….. well they are normal beings aint they? We should support gay parades and cheer them up. No?

Bull Shit.

I think it’s a scary. Gays are a threat to human evolution. I mean can you imagine a man wooing another? I would never go near one. I’ll never let my future kids to talk to one, I’ll always tell him “Son, never go to a man who wears pink shirts, striped pants… hey look at that chic, she’s hot! Be nice to the gay but keep distance, my son!"

See the point being, with more and more gays coming out in the public, we’ll see a huge population control. The Human species, will end thus. The male gene, without war or hunting, has surely become softer and sensitive. Add to this movies by Karan Johar and co, they are creating this new breed of neo man, bachaoooooooo!

I like Communism

Communism as a concept is romantic. All are equal, it preaches in a mallu accent with rasgulla in mouth. The chai-walla (in Anil Kapoor fake accent) is as good as the manager. It’s a people’s idea. I have no clue on why it never took off. May be it was too idealistic, that normal people like us screwed it by implementing it. It’s a thought. Maybe its not possible for all men to be equal. Maybe some are superior, some are meant to follow them. Get laid off when the superior man decides. But I love communism for its an exciting thought.

In a way, capitalism having reached a saturation, is communism. For instance, if the boss messes with you; you leave him and go to another firm with 30% increment. You may even return the favour by speaking about his wife. The power which was with the bourgeoisie has shifted to the hands of the masses, because of the options available.

Indians in America- I’m worried

Of the 40 people in my 12^th std class photograph, atleast 30 of them are in USA and uploaded orkut/facebook pic standing next to Niagra and Statue of Liberty. Extrapolating this 40 sample to other schools, and my generation as such.. there are more people in the USA and UK and Dubai than that are in India.

If you notice, the friends in America don’t twitter as much as they facebook or orkut! Doesn’t it mean their life is boring? Well I don’t twitter much too, but I atleast attempt to ;)

A good friend of mine, who lives in ohio, told me it’s a shit life in USA but its also addictive. You make loads of money and save it, you buy a wooden house and BMW, and are not respected much for you are a miser, don’t have a decent hygiene and also hated for snatching yet another Americans job. Where does this lead us to. An interesting thought, for chances are there might be anti-india riots sooner than later! What happens to the next generation? What is the identity of the diaspora? What psychological implications will it have on kids who are always looked down upon? I am worried.

Causless life

Our life has no real cause to it. We have no guillotines, no war elephants, no land to conquer (no am not talking of real estate ads) no dhandi march to do. We can’t end with a splendid martyrdom. Our life has no cause to it. We go to jobs, make presentations/reports/sell products and get back home tired. Money is our objective. Your ATM statement becomes your cause.

Also we cant achieve immortality in these times. Today, Somebody as funny as PG Wodehouse would be dubbed a funny blogger, and he’ll get 250 comments for every single post. Nothing Legendary. Fast Food Culture. People digest stuff faster. And let it out too. So forget what your epitaph would read and just live your time preciously before dying a lonely death! We are going to be frustrated folks with no novelty! Trust me, You wont be remembered. Guhahaha

Zodiac Maniacs

I hate the zodiac maniacs, or those who act in a certain way and give the reason as their sun sign. For instance, I have seen people who rattle all the shit they want to say, hurt the person standing in front in most direct manner, and justify “you know am this sign, I always am on the face”.

I think we need a certain sensitivity in dealing with people, and we cant just give a piece of mind to anyone. Its not the sun sign, its immaturity! The issue is not with zodiac but those bums who use it as a defense mechanism. Its just a humbug that’s mere adjectives, called zodiac signs.

So much for tonight, and I do have strong opinions don’t I!

Mak :)

...the original Tami flu, a medicine called Laughter

Being a Tamil speaking person is something I take immense pride in. When my non-tamil colleagues play the Vijayakanth/T.Rajendhar/Rajini YouTube videos and make the clichéd “How do you guys watch this crap” and laugh like possessed souls, I only tell myself “Buggers, you don’t know what you guys have missed by not being a Tamil”

And I couldn’t be more correct.

I sympathise with other fellow countrymen (non Tamils) on how they never had been exposed to the rich comedy culture that we were born into. Starting from the famous Crazy Mohan-Kamal Hassan combination that’s filled with so much humor that every second missed is 2 jokes vanished into thin air. (Of which one made you ROTFL and the other one made you LOL, not much difference actually). They basically created magic.

We tamilians, have lived a life sweetened with Nagesh, Goundamani, Sendhil, Vadivelu and Vivek, all adding to our laughter quotient and enriching our lives with smiles that would have in another part of the country been busy frowning/(or Slapping oneself) at movies that cry Pyar, Dil, Ishq and Mohabbat and never seemed to stop. These pyar movies manipulate you trust me.

Anyways a small tribute to all those who made us laugh

Nagesh was a self made Chaplin, a man "with a smile-perhaps a tear." His “Server Sundaram” and “Ethir Neechal” were poignant and when I saw them as a kid, they did leave a lasting impression in me, and still does. Genius. May his soul rest in peace.

Goundamani and Sendhil were our Tom and Jerry, while your heart went to Sendhil, the cute little sidekick. Your mind goes all applause for the Goundamani. Nobody can be as perennially pissed as Goundamani. The way he kicked Sendhil, hurled innovative abuses and managed to dominate the screen for so many years so effortlessly is amaaazing! (hey there is website www.goundamani.com)

And then came the Vivek zone, Wit, Pure Wit. Vivek was Stand Up Comedy stuff. the insight humor, that made you think and laugh. ‘Run’, ‘Minnale’, ‘Saami’ is the kind of peformance which will remain etched in our shorter memories for encores. His best is yet to come though.

And then my favorite Vadivelu, the master slapstick comedian. He has invented a new genre of comedy which needs more coverage, I wish like how A R Rahman got famous, some random Andrew Lloyd Webber notices Vadivelu and eventually gives him a well deserved Oscar. And am not even exaggerating. Watch “Winner” with a straight face and I’ll give up writing this blog. Thalla Vadivelu will just “swwwwwwwwinnnnng in the raaaain” and glue you to his comedy clip a 100^th time.

It’s worries me when I think who will succeed Vivek and Vadivelu, The emerging comedians Santhanam and Karunas are ok and really are not made of the same material as the above mentioned legends.

And rightfully, Tamil Nadu is the first market in the entire country to have two 24 hour channels dedicated to comedy. That they have are among the top channels, is a proof enough on their significance (Source:TAM).

On close observation of these channels, I found that kids were the biggest consumers of these 2 comedy channels. They watch it all the time. It’s a very satisfying insight. The future is watching Comedy. The future is going to be fun guys, we’ll have funny kids while other kids go to school and busy build six pacs like their hero.

The four lives...

“There are four lives you lead” my father articulated in his usual gentle tone, we were in middle of a regular Saturday evening telephonic conversation which mapped from his new diabetes record surpassing the earlier 350 mark, my lunch menu to my love life, and to what his students told him in the class and so forth.. The aimless discussion drifted to an unexpected focus as the old man continued “and you must ensure you do justice to these four lives”

“Four Lives?” I was curious for he sounded like Rajnikanth in an intro song

“The social, the official, the family and the personal life” he said,

And then he explained on how all of us tend to skew more towards one and ignore the other three, “There are people who are always family and work, and leave out on friends.. and then there are others”.. I wondered what he was hinting at...

“And if you ask me the personal life is the most important" he concluded, "The life you live for yourself. The world that is you and not shared by anyone. Its your inner code, richness of your thought and integrity, the books you read, the music you listen to. It is your idea of spirituality and religion It’s what keeps you calm amidst the chaos" ...... "Unless you give yourself a liberal allocation to this inner life, you would never respect yourself”

He had made his point. My father never thrust his opinion on me. Sometimes i wish he did.

But then, I knew what I lacked! :-)

August Round Up

*Ok firstly copyright rights belong to Jayanth for the round up idea*

I have posted 9 posts this month, i am inordinately overjoyed cos i am in touch with one part of myself, Hope i better this next month. With better posts or even worse ones

Went to Chennai for a day, dint meet my friends, but bought lots of seedai, murukku and cashew pakkoda at krishna sweets in the airport. They were hidden in the room and clandestinely completed in 3 days.

Met my old roomie, was good catching up with the proud sardar

Pasanga is the best movie of the year, while kandawamy was a torture;

Kaminey and Love Aaaj kal, i liked both of em

Saw Batman Begins and Dark Knight (for 5th time i think) back to back with beer in hand, Saw Iron Man for the first time in HBO (Whattey Movie!), As per classics, saw "from here to eternity" and "pathways to glory", very very good movies

Work has been ok, freshers have joined, great fun pulling their legs, advicing and taunting them. Otherwise my work, like me, is stagnant without a purpose

Taught at a college for first time. Nice time as mentioned in the blog.

Have been too much into gtalk.. made a nice friend in mumbai, Need to make more of em. Need to meet more friends. need to cut down on gtalk, we are slaves of habit.

I feel my sense of humor is in trouble, i need to save it. Wodehouse save me!!! Vadivelu is my only source of comfort right now.

I missed my GF for ten days cos she was busy with her sisters wedding, She will call me tomorrow. Am a slave of habit, like i told earlier. (Good habit i mean)

Forgot Avani avattam. Heck i dont even have a poonal. My mom asked Why i dint have a poonal. I told her i am not keeping well and there is a lot of swine flu happeinig around. Succesfuly diverted the topic.

Went for a swine flu test at bandra, after a genuine suspicion. Those idiots wouldnt test me cos the govt allows only to test critical cases. I was wearing a mask and fought with the doc wearing a mask, seeking justice, both of us still dont know how the other actually looks.

My bro performed Ganesh Chaturthi pooja, by playing the Ganesh Pooja CD in his PS3, and i was given the duty of ding-dong'ing the holy bell (pooja mani), i got bored after sometime, gave the bell to bhabi and slept for 5 hours. She fed me kozha kattai and ulundhu vadai. May Ganapathi bless her.

Had quite an enlightening chat with my father over the phone, will blog about it. My dad is my ultimate teacher, except when he asks money for the education loan.

Yay! I finished my education loan!

Need to stop blogging about work life and rather write more about better things, for that i need to experience a lot more, I feel like a mass of cow dung at times, that's drying up.

September looks promising with a Hyderbad, Chennai and Bangalore trip in cards, Going to Chennai this weekend. Yay!

It might be a quite an eventful month for personal life.. hope its for the good. The Slog overs of the game has arrived, And in walks Sachin!!!

Thanks for your time, Happy Septemeber rowdies, rascals and pickpockets!!!

Mak boy!