Thursday, December 17, 2009

.... And God Spoke

“It’s a big problem ruling the world you know” God lamented with a heavy sigh.
“Here, Chandra!”, he yelled at the bartender who came running towards him with a wry smile. After all, Chandra was tipped well by this customer whose bar had a wooden board near the cash counter which read ‘Customer is God’.

“Pour me another round of one small whiskey, and yeah soda” God ordered. His fellow drinkers, Gods themselves, but of their respective worlds listened in rapt attention. The evening was young and fine and the juke box played Frank Sinatra, who was carelessly humming “Fly me to the moon.. lemme play among the stars”

And then God continued, “People do stuff they aren’t supposed to do, they are screwing up my entire design. I mean evolution has been pretty much according to the script so far, all going as per the structured analysis plan. Now things have gone real bad”

A fellow drinker who was sipping on a Bloody Mary interrupted, “Dude! You are taking a lot of stress, and just being hard on yourself, People can take care of themselves; you have been a very able administrator. People in your world idolise you for the neighborhood heaven’s sake! You have ensured education, abstract thought, poetry, literature, science and even computer awareness are inculcated and are in place, and people in your planet are all for peace, they don’t just kill each other like before, do they?

“No man”, God reflected and he placed the whiskey glass in the table, “it’s the softer issues that’s Fuc .. er. screwing up my planet now” he exclaimed animatedly

“Softer issues? That sounds so… never mind. what happened dude?” people are becoming psychos! They are fuc,.. er.. screwing up their lives. Take for instance, the life of lil Somu, he was born cute with a dimpled cheek in a small town whose name i dont remember, in a middle class vegetarian Indian family. He played with marbles all his childhood, saw cartoons and was shy to talk to girls. the way I designed him , there was no chance this kid have written a blog like that when he grew up to be 16”

“Blog like what?”

And then God opened his laptop and clicked open Somu’s blog. The Blog title was, “the random objective ideas of the opinioned mind” Somu had written about how he believed every individual was open to his set of rationale opinions, how one had to live for oneself amidst the ungrateful world full of stereotypes, to how he thought the more sex and in its all manifestations and positions was a way to understand ourselves and seek the higher self, and stuff like that”

All drunk Gods looked puzzled at this piece of screed, “what does all this mean, you mean somebody 16 really thought of all this. this is... Blasphemy?!?”

The chief God clarified “Its not Lil Somu’s fault, its Ayn Rands, she is full of shit. People who read her talk like shit. Look at the blog world, people write such complicated posts about relationships, introspection and work n all. About certain objectivism and why they broke up seeking the independence from the dissatisfaction arising from their inability to co-exist and their right to argue. Total shit man. Hate reading that. Yawn”

“Phew, Sad and complicated” All fellow drunk Gods agreed in unison

And God spake
“Let Ayn Rand alone, another chap full of shit is Osho, that chap writes so much influential shit makes people’s lives more complicated. Any idiot who talks of an utopia must be kicked in the arse. Why don’t these people realise that the structure I made is on inter-dependence and not independence, huh, I am drunk, let me not get emotional..,” God got emotional

“I’d rather people make statements than arguments. These Ayn Rands maketh the 18 year old kid think like a 50 year old, and maketh a 50 year old fool around like a kid.. my design! my design!,, all gone for a toss. Look at Sachin/Sehwag/, you think they read Ayn Rand? Their mind is so uncluttered. They kick ass baby” and God broke down..

“I mean our eco-system, food chain, all work around one concept – Co-Existence. Ayn Rand and Osho are two big manufacturing mistakes of mine. Wish I made more Sehwags.”

“Dude, you are being unfair. People from your planet have the right to choose what they want to choose, No?”

“Yeah I know just my opinion, sigh, anyways, Chandra, Bill Please” God paid the bill and tipped Chandra an handsome amount and Chandra seemed happy. and God began to move. He jokingly remarked “I am ok with agnostics and scientologists, even atheists, but Ayn Rand and Osho cult give me a bad digestion”