Sunday, July 25, 2010

Quarterly Life Crisis

This is a very different phase of life, being 25. You suddenly understand all the rules or so you think. A gentle realization dawns upon you. You speak with an air of wisdom or let us call it clarity. You are more serious at work; your shallow approach to career suddenly seems streamlined... You know you’ll get there… and are networking in Linked in and Facebook. Your friends aren’t just the “hip hop, yo-yo – machaan buddies” but even that geeky senior at college who might be a useful contact someday, someway. That random client who might give you a job offer is there too. You wish him on his birthday. Then there is this thing to buy a house and save money too. You are talking of mutual funds and real estate all of a sudden. Fuck. You eat fruits. Join a gym. Wear a perfume and not a deo. Take multiple credit cards and consider buying blackberry. But then, being 25 is being young too. that Foolishness of being a young adult, the little chap in you who is asking who the fuck are you? And how the fuck did you end up here and why the fuck have you made all these choices in life? And reminding you “Dude, this was never the plan”.. Go out there and figure out what you want to do before you are old. ‘Or wait you are Old. Too late.’ Your sub conscience is planted with this evil thought. You remain confused.

You are no more shy to talk to women. You can say all the right things to them, you know girls like a Gerard Butler, Chandler and Joey and want boy friends’ like them. All the girls ever speak is sweet, cute, smart, mean and creepy. Then there are chics who talk loud, abuse freely with all feminist revolutionary spunk and piss you off. You know best deal is to Ignore them. You have it all decoded. But then you are scared to fall in love. Once bitten twice shy. You are cynical of their charm, afraid of your own motives. Romance? Fling? Commitment? You have no clue. Having sex like Barney (HIMYM) isn’t there in your DNA. Maybe love is the solution, but then love is highly overrated, you learnt that. Like Chaplin says "it begins with a smile and ends with a tear". Still eyes keep looking around - at parties, in the restaurants, searching for someone.. someone who’d help your cause. “She looks sweet. Pleasant smile. She’d make a nice wife”. Oh Shit why am I even thinking of getting married. Damn.”

Your roots confuse you. You now realize that your parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts aren’t credible enough to influence your decisions. They are as clueless as anybody else. They are no more your role models. You speak to them with more authority for you know everybody is on the same page.

You are scared to be happy. Contentment means settling down. You change jobs. Change cities. New People. New Strangers. New Connections seem to be the order of the day.

Alcohol helps you let loose and a few laughs. Playstation keeps you engaged. You download torrents and watch a 1967 blockbuster in Hollywood and tweet about it. Gtalk, Twitter, Facebook and Youtube occupy a major chunk of your time. You are exhausted after 6 hours of internet from 8 PM to 2 AM. End of day’s play. You need sleep.

Damn. At 25 so many things crowd your mind. You are caught between the slowly fading ideal to a clearly apparent real. Strange phase in life, this. A mostly pointless phase. Like this post.