I felt loss, pain and disappointment for first time in my 25 year ol’ life. On a positive note, I am more self aware. Let’s call this the year of awareness. When a dreamy boy is metamorphosing into a confused man, all to realize he is back to square one in a parallel world.
It has also been a year of change, of restlessness, of dissatisfaction and of cluelessness. Looking back, it has been a year of series of screw ups. where I had a tough break up and subsequently shifted one job and two houses in next 4 months. Where I spent loads of money on a course I hardly went to. Where I never had any clue on my finances. Where I never travelled but wanted to travel. Where I drank too much, then aptly screwed with a health condition where I shouldn’t drink at all or eat most of the delicacies!. (Oh, an embarrassing drinking session in an office party too). Where I hardly wished anyone on their birthday. (sorry, folks) Where I hardly called/spoke to my parents. Where I have been self absorbed. Too Self Absorbed. (Like this blogpost). Where I have been a loner bereft of charm or joy. It has been an uncreative year too and there hardly has been a moment of quiet inspiration or spiritual calm.
Losing what you want the most makes you lose your balance. It turns your world upside down.
But all is not fucked, 2010 saw my career blossoming, one strong positive. Am in a crazy workplace now. It helps. Madness is good. And one’d always gets by with the help from one’s friends. Some solid moments of friendship. Love you specific folks.
Life ahead, in 2011, looks tough. But not impossible or without hope. I always felt - the secret of happiness is surrounding oneself with wonderful people. People who offer friendship easily and inspire you just by being themselves,… I am adding some invaluable people to my journey - of all ages, shapes and sizes.
The challenge ahead in 2011, seems to be in finding a meaning. Or wait maybe it is to stop the google search for a meaning and go offline and start living. Maybe, to be a kid again and to find adventure and romance. To look outward, than inward. To think new ideas rather than get stuck with old events and obsolete people. Where I’d write funny stories instead of a templatised tweet. Where I would laugh at myself and at you too. Especially you.
Maybe the meaning of life is to get back at being yourself. The adult in you has to give a lot of space to the child in you, (not to be confused with a pregnant woman).
Suddenly I feel younger. A sudden ray of optimism. Oh, the joys of writing down your woes.
But then hey, to get fucked in life is a superb thing. I know how to react to shit now. I wouldn’t place too much emphasis on few people and much rather live for myself, live for my world. And I wont drink. I promise. I am thinking of converting into a non vegetarian and eat raw fish sometime. Its one of my 2011 plans.
Here is to a hopeful 2011 :)
And note to self - When single, every woman is a possibility. Beware, hold onto your girlfriend!
MAK
